Chasing My Tail

Ok, I told myself I couldn’t spend time blogging until I caught up.  Caught up on paying the bills, doing the laundry, running necessary errands, backing up several months worth of pictures, etc. etc. ETCETERA!!  I am actually backing up pictures while I type, but there are several baskets of laundry sitting in the family room waiting to be folded.  There is some television programming this evening that I am looking forward to watching, so I figure I can fold laundry then.  And yes, it is the VP debate that I will be turning on in about 15 minutes.  Should be interesting!

Have you ever seen a dog chasing its tail?  Running in circles trying to catch up to itself?  For some reason, that is what I have felt like lately….like I can’t quite catch up with myself.  I had these expectations of the fall…of the time when the girls went back to school and we got back to our regular schedule…how I would spend my time with purpose, direction and meaning.  Yeah, right!

Don’t get me wrong, there are portions of my week that I cherish.  Tuesday afternoons at the Lamb Center, Wednesday morning at bible study, small group on Sunday night.  I have had moments with friends on the phone or over coffee, times with the girls or Steve where I was completely present and treasuring that moment.  Yet, outside of these times, I often feel distracted and scattered…like I can’t focus on the present task for worrying about something else I should be doing.  Even in my quiet times with the Lord, my mind is hard to tame recently and I feel like I am not gettting anything “accomplished.”

Partly, I think I am still sleep deprived.  With this new earlier schedlue, my brain doesn’t quite wake up until the girls are getting home from school.  Actually, I think that issue is a little better this week than last.  Today, I have been trying to slow down and breathe deeply; I have tried to be aware of God’s presence without an agenda.  To just be with Him without looking for any particular answers to my questions.  I’ll let you know if that turns out to be the cure for tail chasing.